Time Phase

Some nights are lonelier than the others.

Some days are harder to get through.

There are times in my life where what I need, what I long for the most, is to get a hug. To lean on his chest  and to circle my arms around his waist. To pull down the sheet, lay next to him and listen to him breathe. And do nothing else. Absolutely nothing.

Those days are hard. I’d feel so alone and I don’t know what to do-because I couldn’t just shock people out of their core and hug them-and I’d end up burying it down, as deep as I can just so I don’t have to deal with the way I felt. But it comes back. It would always find its way back and it would leave me craving it more. Twice as much. Then thrice. It goes on and on and on…

I like to imagine that you’re here with me
We’d hold hands and walk. wherever you want. wherever I want. whenever we feel like it
You’d slump your head on my shoulder and instinctively, I’d tug the lose end of your hair and ask you anything.
Rough day?
What’s wrong?
You OK?
You would sigh or stay silent.
I would stay silent.
Then you’d talk. and I’d listen

Some days I would crave you so badly.
Some days I sleep with your shirt lying next to me.
Some days just hearing your voice, your phantom touches, they are not enough.

I like to imagine you’re here with me
Crooked smile and scowling eyebrows whenever I say something weird
the mellow sound of your voice when you whisper in my ear
the smell of your body soap and shampoo all over me in the morning

Do you not get what I’m trying to say to you?
Can you not see it in my eyes-the pain that would be there every time I had to drop you at the airport
the joy and the sparkle whenever you’re around
the need of making love to you

Do you not get that I’m trying to say I love you?