Time Phase

Some nights are lonelier than the others.

Some days are harder to get through.

There are times in my life where what I need, what I long for the most, is to get a hug. To lean on his chest  and to circle my arms around his waist. To pull down the sheet, lay next to him and listen to him breathe. And do nothing else. Absolutely nothing.

Those days are hard. I’d feel so alone and I don’t know what to do-because I couldn’t just shock people out of their core and hug them-and I’d end up burying it down, as deep as I can just so I don’t have to deal with the way I felt. But it comes back. It would always find its way back and it would leave me craving it more. Twice as much. Then thrice. It goes on and on and on…

I like to imagine that you’re here with me
We’d hold hands and walk. wherever you want. wherever I want. whenever we feel like it
You’d slump your head on my shoulder and instinctively, I’d tug the lose end of your hair and ask you anything.
Rough day?
What’s wrong?
You OK?
You would sigh or stay silent.
I would stay silent.
Then you’d talk. and I’d listen

Some days I would crave you so badly.
Some days I sleep with your shirt lying next to me.
Some days just hearing your voice, your phantom touches, they are not enough.

I like to imagine you’re here with me
Crooked smile and scowling eyebrows whenever I say something weird
the mellow sound of your voice when you whisper in my ear
the smell of your body soap and shampoo all over me in the morning

Do you not get what I’m trying to say to you?
Can you not see it in my eyes-the pain that would be there every time I had to drop you at the airport
the joy and the sparkle whenever you’re around
the need of making love to you

Do you not get that I’m trying to say I love you?

Masquerade

I opened WordPress just because I want to post a random rambling and instead I found one of my old posts here. And it struck me how easy and effortlessly (it seems) for me to write down the things I wrote. Like it just came out the back of my head and my hands did not have the trouble to express it all out.

But lately I have faltered from such things.

I was always good at cheering myself up. If someone asks me what is it that I’m really good at, I think that would be the answer. I have the ability to pick myself up and post a learning lesson about it. Only lately, I have not had any valuable lessons to learn. Life goes on and it gives you this… piece or equipment to run and I do it like I always do. But along the way I forgot to pick up the important stuff.

I was really impressed with what I wrote. I mean… call me cheesy or whatever, but it’s true. What actually happened to me that I have now lost that voice?

I always tell myself that what I’m good at, it’s either not really needed in life (Who the hell needs someone who can do accents but cannot act? Or someone who knows tunes but doesn’t know hot to play the frickin’ piano? Or any instrumental piece for that matter?) or it only has a good use for myself. Which is… pretty much the same of saying that it’s useless. For other people.

If I’m going to do things right, then I have just found my new year resolution.

You have to take matters to your own hands and not wait around for someone else to give you a divine message. Sometimes a divine message can come from yourself.

Over Exposed

Do you think people who are blogging or LJing or Facebooking of Twitting or whatever you wanna call it are somewhat over exposed?

 

I read an interview article today and it kinda threw me aback in terms of technology. I have blogs, Facebook, Twitter… and what is the point?

 

I was on an internet hiatus for about a week for my final term. I do admit that it’s insanely hard for me to not go to my laptop at night like I used to and just sit here for hours  surfing around. But once I got used to it, it’s actually not so bad. When I could actually open the internet again, I found myself not wanting to and telling myself that “that stuff can wait”. I’ve been so occupied by it that I didn’t realise how-I don’t know how to say this-boxed? my life really is.

 

It’s crazy and I have everything in my head but I’m not doing too good with words today so I can’t really say it, but… yeah.