Sometimes I ask myself, “How is it that someone loses their innocence, their positive view of life?”

 

Well…
If you live in a world like this, I think you’re bound to lose that sense of happiness. We live in a shitty world where almost everything we face is basically that. Shit.

 

At least that’s what I think.

 

But then you watch Oprah when she has a charitable program, where people from all over the world, or people across US, come together to help an organization or a person in desperate need; you see geeky and goofy movies that makes you laugh and forget about the current condition, the crappy economy and whatnot; you read inspiring books that make you go, “Huh… I can be like that if I want to. If he/she can do it, why can’t I?”

 

We need constant reminder of how things are supposed to be done.

 

I’m just saying… It’s a normal thing to lose your innocence. I’ve just realize that (and the explanation of it) now.

Lost

My mind is elsewhere but my heart cannot force it to think about tomorrow and what it would bring.
Tomorrow brings a new day. A new week. SEVEN new days I have to tackle; each and every one halfheartedly.

 

The truth is, when I think about it ahead, it’s not so bad. I have Monday and Wednesday off, and I only have “light” classes throughout the week every day for this semester. This week I only have one will-be-humiliating day where I have to wear a blouse for presentation and after that embarassing 10 minutes that will be it. I will go back to the regular, pants wearing me that I’m so used to be. Then Friday and that’s possible the most tiring yet the most thrilling day, because it’s the end of the week and the end of me having to go to the university for the week.

 

Then Sunday would come and every Sunday night I’d hate myself and my heart will feel as if it’s about to explode into a tiny million pieces and I feel like I have to scream on the top of my lungs just to make it feel better.

And it’s not even a burdening week.

 

I think I’m stuck with the idea of everything I have to go through and how “unbearable” it would be. Riding the motorcycle at 7 in the morning, going for a class that starts at 7.30. I hate being late and truth be told I hate going to class. But if I don’t go to class then how can I improve myself? I have to be better this semester. My mid result is almost all shit and I have to make grounds in my final term. I have a short semester waiting for me ahead which means just about 10 day Christmas holiday and then I have to go straight to 4th semester of hell (or so I’ve been told).

 

That was bitching. Off the track. Sorry. But I have to get it out. Because if I cannot survive this “relaxing semester” that’s only, like, 6 more weeks then how in the name of God can I survive the others to come? I don’t think everyone’s like me. Everybody I know says, “Oh, you’ll get over it” or “you’ll get through it” or “It’s just your mind that’s messing with you…”

 

I frickin KNOW THAT.
What I DON’T know is how to burn this stuff down.