V-O-T-E

Lately, that four letters are becoming the most popular word as November 4 is approaching fast. Everywhere you turn (whether it’s in America or even here in Indonesia, if you watch the news often enough) there it is. The controversy of it, the core of what makes politics a “nasty business” to some people, is pretty much summed up there in that very word.

 

In the year of election, campaigning has begun months before it actually happen. Rallies are all over the place, and if you notice, the election of the Democratic nominee is hotter than the election itself (I being a politic dummy, thought that the election had already started as Hilary and Obama went face to face and Democratic people had to chose who do they want as Democratic nominee). Vote videos started to go on the Internet, with the online registration video, and this and that, la di da… And that invited some controversy. And difference of opinion.

 

People nowadays, most people, think that:
1. You have to vote.
2. No, you don’t have to. Because not voting is a vote.
3. I don’t care.

 

I know that people are entitled to have a difference of opinion, but let me just get this off my chest. The thing with number 2, the one I’ve heard for all these times from “politically involved celebrities” or just common people, is just stupid. Dumb. Not voting is not a vote. Where do you even get that idea, I’ll never know.

 

You are in a political system. When you’re inside a country, when you’re involved with business and involved with the coutry, you are in politics.

You are in a nation. A country. A country that, whether you like it or not, you control. You have the responsibility to choose. Not a privilige. Responsibility. You have a voice, to say who you want to be running as President of this nation that you live in. Who do you think is best, from all the candidates, that is BEST to run the country. You have a right, and yet this right is not just that. It’s a right that requires you to care.

 

I think the people who doesn’t want to vote is just… ignorant. They say they care, and they say that they want a better country, but then they do not vote. If you say, “Oh I do not vote because the system’s crooked.” then ask yourself whether you are doing anything to make it not as crooked as before. If you say, “There’re no candidates that “charm” me.” Well guess what? Voting is not about charm and a big smile that makes you swoon. It’s a choice between whose policy you think is BETTER than the previous system.

 

You may well not like the candidates, but do it for the sake of your country. The time is now.

What’s The Point?

With the economy on the brink of recession, I take a note to myself to watch closely what’s happening in the market on a daily basis. Before I go to bed, after I woke up, I check the Internet and always take time to look at the economy section of the news and look at DOW and NASDAQ numbers; up or down.

 

That surge of 700 points about a couple weeks ago got me excited. I felt like, “Oh this is fast…”

 

Evidently it doesn’t work that way. Today, stocks plunge 400 points, and in Indonesia, the IHSG has been down 51.48% since the economy crisis started.

 

I know where it all started to fall apart, but it doesn’t matter when or where. What matters is that we are facing so many problems all over the world, and until now, we go by day by day in a “mediocre way”. It’s not the best way, and it’s not the worst, but it’s just enough to get you by.

 

My mom told me today that we’re heading to a global recession (when I asked her if we can have “fancy dinner” tonight, and she said, “We have to save our money, Marc. We’re heading to a global recession.”) and when I opened the Internet the DOW and NASDAQ numbers were all minus, and it said “Stock plunge 400 points” or something like that. And I was devastated.

 

I prayed to God, I said to Him to make it all better so that we don’t have to go through so many of this crap we’re already dealing with. Please help us. And from what I saw today, He didn’t. Or hasn’t. And for a fleeting moment, I said to myself, “What’s the point?”

 

Have you ever prayed for something so badly, and what happens is the total opposite of what you wished for? It’s like it happened on purpose… Or maybe it was just bad timing. Who knows? The thing is that when you pray for something, you do not expect the total opposite of it to happen.

 

I know the answer as to why it seems like He didn’t hear what I prayed for. That it all takes time, and in time, it will be better.

 

The question is when?
At times like these, it doesn’t strike me as odd that people lose their Faith all the time, every day, every minute. For that fleeting second, I lost it, too. Forget the phrase, “You shouldn’t question the way of the Lord” and stuff like that. We are curious beings and sometimes we get selfish. Of course we want to know. Of course we question it. Because what happens in front of us doesn’t merely look like an answer from above.  I’m not saying that you should question everything until you lose your faith in God; I don’t think that’s acceptable. But when you’re faced with a tough situation, and you kneel down and you pray and you hope for answers, and then to find out that you don’t get one, not until things has gone to shit (or sometimes, even after things turned completely shitty, you still don’t get your answer), it’s a normal thing to question. To ask “Where the heck are You and why aren’t You helping us? We’re hanging by a thread here!”

 

I’m not going to go any further with this. Despite all this wonderment on how God works around, I really do hope that the economy will get better. It’s a scary thing for all of us to have to deal with this crisis.

Absolutely, Definitely: Help Save Pushing Daisies

Since going back to the air after that dreadful WGA Strike, I think this show is hurting the most. The rating is completely messed up, and it’s been going downhill (except last week, since Daisies is the only scripted show on air while the other network are showing the Presidential Debate. And this week it’s still unknown. Yet) ever since. Every single fan of the show has been contributing in ways to make this show not canceled by the network. Write letters, sign Online petition, make a campaign…

 

I hope it all works. I myself have signed the Online petition (and I believe in the power of Online petition, we managed to hold Julian McMahon in Charmed for a couple more episodes) and write letters to ABC. I’m planning on doing it regularly, on a daily basis. Just because, y’know.

 

Of all the new TV series that has popped up (so to speak), this is the best new series there ever is.  And truly the best. I’m talking top class. It’s quirky and it’s very very highly unrealistic, but it makes you feel all warm inside. It’s heartwarming. And it can make your day any time. Whatever mood you’re in, once you have your dose of Daisies, it lifts your heart. Just a bit to make you feel all right.

 

They really do not make TV shows like this anymore, and if this goes down the drain, then I don’t know. I personally think the lack of advertisement has something to do with the ratings view, and the fact that the network isn’t doing anything much to promote it doesn’t help. We need to save it.

 

They’re starting a campaign to save the show, and if you can’t buy daisies, then do something that you can do. Write to ABC. Sign petitions. Make an I LOVE PD banner. Anything counts. After all, it is an effort.

Because I Need You So Badly

I had a “freak out” moment, actually about something that has been bothering me for a while now. I said to Joe, “What if I couldn’t handle all this university crap and gone bonkers and just decide to quit? Just like that?”

 

Y’know, there’s a reason why he’s here with me right now. And one of it is that he’s an excellent talker. In a good way. He said some things like, “Why did you think you got accepted in the very last period of enrollment? THE VERY LAST. There were literally, like 30 people or something who wanted to go there whatever their reasons were, and you, out of THIRTYPEOPLE, you got one out of five available spots. Why do you think that happened?”

 

And as I sat there not knowing what to say, he encouraged me to look at it on a day-to-day basis. And I feel better.

 

Now, I need him as much as I need me. Because at the end of the day, I can calm myself down. Even more than Joe already did. I felt better, but then the panic hasn’t really settled yet. I need something solid to throw this big rock I have on my shoulder.

 

The reality of college life or university life is so much different from what you imagined it to be. For me, at least. In my entire life I never thought for a minute that I would go to this Biotechnology faculty that I’m now in. And when I got in, I didn’t know how in God’s name am I going to survive, because it literally means being in a hell hole and all you do is be a geek and make friends with bacterias and germs and learn about them more than you should learn about the psyche of human. You go through this and you say to yourself, “I’ve always been amazed how most of scientists are geeks. Now I know why.” Because… that’s what you go through. Every day. You associate yourself with a microorganism that cannot talk back to ya, cannot answer your questions. You become so focused with your work, and suddenly you know nothing about what’s out there. It’s crazy and sick… But it’s true.
Anyways, I never thought I’d even go through 1st semester, because of this drama lab (yeah, all the lab assistants deserves an Oscar for “Best Sarcasm” for yelling and smirking about almost every single thing). But I got through that. I had no idea how I got through boot camp (they call it outbound… yeah right. It’s a boot camp) and not die on the spot, but I did it.

 

If there’s a thing that I need to remind myself over and over and over again, it’s doing stuff day after day. With someone who has the emotional health of my length (which is not that long), I cannot imagine stuff for… like, years to come, unless it’s a good thing. If it’s a bad thing, then do it day by day, then it wouldn’t bother you so much. I have 4 months of my 4th semester and then I have about the same month of my 5th. About 2 months of short semester literally every year (thanks, stupid Math), which means my holiday only comes in July and last through early August. Meanwhile, in those 4 months I have the horrible job of running labs and making reports and doing tests that, really, after all this time in the university, is still a waste of time to me. In those 2 months I have to study math and statistics and everything you can possibly imagine that involves Math and Biology and DNA (oh wait, that’s in Biology).

 

I write that down as a reminder. That somewhere behind all those crazy stuff, I can still have moments of peace and quiet and moments to relax. I really, really hope to God that I do not have a nervous breakdown and cry in the middle of the night. I haven’t quit school, not once. And I certainly do not want to go and do it. If there’s one thing I’m good at, so far, it’s not quitting school. School is crap, is has numerous assignments, but you do it. You deal with it and you do it. Granted, not as strict, but… y’know. We can go on about the difference between school and university (which leans so much in favor of school), but I’m not gonna get to that.

 

All I can say from that, from all this… craziness… is take it day by day.
Tomorrow it’s just another day. And before you know it, it’s all going to be over.

 

Yeah, I need Joe. But I also need me.

Going Through It

Last night I had another mini meltdown; twice this month and possibly the third or fourth time this year. It was horrible. I didn’t know what I was going to do if Monday comes, and the thought that tomorrow is Monday made me a total skeptic. I thought, “Oh I’m never going to get through that” and “What am I going to do? It’s gonna be Monday already tomorrow…”

 

It’s not a big deal now, but yesterday it was… just horrible. I don’t know what happened that made me think that. Plus I had to sleep on my mother’s couch because I didn’t feel like being alone that night. And that made me think about my apartment. I cannot have a breakdown like that once I move because basically once I do, I’m out there and I’m going to be alone most of the time. What if I have another one? What should I do, take my hamsters to bed with me? I don’t think that’s the best option I got.

 

Joe did a marvelous job of calming me down and talk things to me. And praying to God obviously help a lot. I lie there and I said, “I cannot do this alone and I need Your help because otherwise I’m helpless and I just cannot go through it again. All over again.”

 

For two years straight now, October has been the worst month of my life. Last year, the diagnosis that led me to believe that I have Bipolar Disorder was in October/November, where I was a complete wreck and I didn’t even recognise myself anymore. It completely transformed me to this silent, head-down, angry person that has a very good disguise. I really hope this year it would not happen again.

 

Last night was a little reminder of how small I was. My existence without the people around me and without God is like a small flea that can be crushed anytime. Last night was a reminder of what I had went through, and what I must still go through in life. It’s a hard lesson to learn, a very tough experience that I didn’t think I was going to overcome. But I did. Now I don’t have the time to be hopeful. Now I have to be sure. I have to know for sure that I am going to overcome this obstacle in my life. Because if I don’t have that… I’m screwed. And that’s the last thing I want to be.