Dear God,

If the world is really coming to an end, would I have the chance to have a family? A husband and children? Or would I just end up like I am now? Alone?

 

Would You save me from the depths of hell or would you let me drown in sorrow and anguish? The kind of emotion I’ve always feel all my life? Would You erase my sins?

 

Would I be a successful person? A great chef? What does my future holds?

What am I, actually? A good person? A bad person? A nobody?
Sometimes I don’t even know who I really am.

 

Will I ever have the chance to hold my newborn child with happy tears in my eyes, and will I ever know the real meaning of life? Will I look at them with a smile as they take their first steps, learn their first words, yawn in their sleep?

 

Will I ever feel the warmth of a husband’s embrace, the supporting squeeze of his hand when I’m nervous or scared, the loving kiss he’d give me every day and every night, the surge of pride he feels in me for being his companion?

Do I even get to meet him? Or is all that just a dreamy picture, an image in my head of what life is suppose to be for me.

Will I live long enough to see my children graduate, get married, have their own life, have their own children? Or would the world already be at end? Vanish, as if it never even existed.

 

WHY is everything so mysterious?

Turning 20

Today marks the occasion that is turning 20 and entering adulthood. Really entering adulthood.

I thank God for everything He has given me. For my family and my friends. For my past, present, and my future later in my life. For the opportunities and the things that had happened to me during my entire life these past 19 years. I had the roughest year I have yet experienced, and that made being 19 not so easy. I have dealt with a lot of things and overcome many thoughts and have found almost all of the answers I have been asking myself ever since I was a child.

For all of those, and for giving me another birthday that will mark a new chapter in my life (joining the 20s club) , I thank Him. None of these stuff that had happened to me, good nor bad, will ever happen if it weren’t for the hands of God.

I have a lot of ambitions in my life, but I don’t think rushing is really the best option for me, especially now. I trust that the time will come for me to have my own path, and before that, I shall just lead my life the way it’s already laid out.

I think I’ll still be me. Still have outburst and moments that only I can understand every now and then, but it’s not as… shall we say “wild and uncontrolled” as it was a year ago. I think I’m coming to terms with everything better now than I was then.

Thank you to all the people who’d send me a happy birthday message

And last but not least: Happy birthday, Mace! Have a good one

!

Please compare the two following examples:

I don’t know. She didn’t tell me anything about it.

I don’t know! She didn’t tell me anything about it!

 

Which, according to you, is more rude?

 

I have no idea why, but Indonesian people (and probably some Americans or anyone out there) likes to send short messages and end almost every line with an exclamation point. I practically burst out in the most casual way (and that is telling her that she doesn’t need to send the message with an exclamation point, and end it with three dots. It’s sarcastic, if you will) with a friend of mine who does just that. I absolutely despise it when people end a normal sentence with that mark. I mean, what the f*** are they trying to do? To me, it sounds (or looks) like:
1. You’re giving me an order.
2. I am the dumbest person ever lived in this planet and without an exclamation point, I will not get what you’re saying.

 

Really, would it kill you just to end a normal sentence with that normal dot?