Archive for August, 2006

Kamu (bikin pusing!)

Posted in Uncategorized on Tuesday, August 29, 2006 by mace

Duh, kamu…

Kamu bikin kepalaku pusing. Kayaknya udah bukan 7 keliling lagi, deh. Tiap kali ngeliat kamu aku seneng banget, tapi kalo aku liat kamu sama orang laen, rasanya kayak kebakar api.

Kukira perasaan ini udah ilang, semenjak aku minta saran sama orang laen. Gara-gara kamu aku jadi lebih terbuka sama temen-temenku, dan tanpa sepengetahuan kamu kita sering ngomongin kamu (hehe… maaf ya?) Ternyata perasaan ini masih ada. Aku berusaha banget pake akal sehatku, supaya jadinya biasa-biasa aja ke kamu. Tapi gak bisa. Ato lebih tepatnya, belom bisa.

Posesif? Mungkin. Aku gak tahan ngeliat kamu sama orang laen. Mungkin ini gara-gara aku gak terlalu deket sama kamu, tau deh. Tapi ya gitu lah, sakit ati rasanya Gimana sih, namanya juga ada perasaan berlebih, kurasa wajar kalo cemburu.

Kamu kayak magnet. pertama kali aku ngeliat kamu, aku langsung ketarik. Ga tau kenapa. Kayak ada aura dari kamu yang bikin aku jatoh hati. Di mata kamu aku mungkin aneh, tapi gak pa-pa. Aku rela dianggep aneh asal bisa bikin kamu ketawa.

Pengen banget nyebut nama kamu. Tapi ya gak usahlah. Biar kupendem aja dalem hatiku. Gak usah disebut, nama kamu udah menggema dalem diriku, setiap hari setiap kali. Pikiranku gak bisa lepas dari kamu, dan kemanapun kamu pergi, mataku gak bisa gak ngeliatin kamu. Kayak orang tolol, emang, tapi mau diapain lagi?

Bukan, bukannya aku nyerah sama keadaan.Tapi seberapa gede aku nyoba, kamu gak bisa ilang selamanya dari pikiranku.Kamu ilang, paling bentaran. Abis itu pasti muncul lagi. Untung pelajaranku gak keganggu. Bisa gawat. Rasanya otak udah hampir penuh sama kamu,tapi syukur deh pelajaran masih bisa masuk.

Yang kurasain ke kamu gak bisa diungkap pake kata-kata.Gak cukup, dan gak ada kata yang tepat.Kenapa aku nulis ini, pas udah nyampe kalimat ini aku juga bingung.Tapi ini ungkapan hatiku ke kamu. Kamu emang bikin mabok…

I Love You So Much till It Hurts

Posted in Uncategorized on Saturday, August 12, 2006 by mace

Lately I just found out what that means. And it hurts so bad and I’ve never felt like this in my entire life. I guess it’s the price for being a human. You have to experience a little heartbreak.

For almost a year now I’ve been having this feeling. It went away for some time, and then it came back out of nowhere. And it got me frustrated. I abseloutely can’t tell that person how I feel, because of my own reasons. But mainly, I don’t want to ruin what I already have.

Asking God about it, I just don’t feel right. If I can ask Him, there are so many why-s that I can’t find the answer, and I hope that He will give me a clue. But none. Or maybe He already did, but I’m just too blind to see it. I dunno.

Maybe this is the Cross I have to carry all my life. Everyone has their own Cross, their own burden, and maybe this is mine.

If I can say something, I’ll probably say this:

I love you… not because of your face or your body, but because of what you are inside. I accept you for what you are, and you don’t have to change a bit. I love the way you smile at me, and the way you laugh at the stupid jokes I made just for you. It makes me happy to see you happy, and it makes me sad to know that there’s nothing I can do to cheer you up when you’re down. You don’t know it, but you broke my heart in 2, and took half of it with you. I love you… so much till it hurts.